


the one where magnus carves a horse

by doubtful



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, and magnus not being able to sleep, kravitz cameo because fight me, legit just wanted to write taako baking, mention of nudity?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubtful/pseuds/doubtful
Summary: magnus can't sleep. he's not the only one. both he and taako try to be productive with their energy so they don't have to think about what's keeping them up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> spoilers for the eleventh hour, and very slight hints at revelations that don't happen until post-the suffering game. this takes place between those two arcs -- i think griffin said they had about a month off between them, but if he didn't, this is an alternate universe where they had a lot of down time. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Tonight’s one of those nights where the weight of everything is just too much. Jules. Raven’s Roost. Phandalin (whoops). This— this red robe stuff. Magnus sighs heavily and rubs his palms roughly against his eyes. Maybe if he forces them shut, sleep will have pity on him and just knock him out. He rolls over onto his stomach, face-down in the pillow. It muffles his groan of frustration a little.

 

He slaps the bed on either side of the pillow and lifts himself up. Fine, if he’s not going to be able to sleep, the least he can do is be productive.

 

He sits down at the small workbench in the corner of his room and grabs the small block of wood he’s been idlely carving when he has some free time. Usually he prefers to just sit in the quad and whittle while people watching, since most of the time he sees someone he knows and they can strike up a conversation. But it’s—he glances up at the clock—almost 3 AM, or the moon equivalent of 3 AM, and it’s unlikely anyone but the guards are out right now, and seeing a huge dude in his PJs with a little knife and a half-formed wooden horse would probably freak them out more than any intruder.

 

So he carves in his room, quietly, pulling the horse out of its wooden prison, so it can be free. In another life, he might have been a toymaker. Hell, maybe he could still be, once all this stuff with the relics—

 

…Right. Or, not.

 

He sighs and puts the horse back down on the desk. There goes his temporary peace; he’s right back in the concern that has haunted him since he opened June’s scroll. The looming curiosity that’s just out of reach. No matter how hard he tries to piece together the reasoning behind it (him- red robe- him in a red robe?- Him. Magnus. Red robe.), his brain won’t make the connection. It’s driving him batty, and no amount of horses or sleep or thought is going to fix this, not right now.

 

There’s something he’s missing, but he has no idea where to find it. Otherwise he would have run out the door right now and jumped on the first orb out of here to go get it.

 

His attention drawn from his work, he realizes that out of the corner of his eye he can see the hint of light coming from under his doorframe. It’s not the sun – it’s way too early. Is someone else awake?

 

_It’s probably Merle_ , Magnus thinks. _Grabbing a late night snack or some warm milk_. He’s made the mistake one too many times of going to grab some water early in the morning, only to run into Merle on his way to the bathroom. He would give anything to eradicate that horrible sight from his brain, but he hasn’t the heart feed the Voidfish a picture of Merle in the buff. No one else should have to suffer as he has, especially not his big fishy bro.

 

So he returns to whittling, the horse ending up wider set than he’d planned. He considers cutting it down a little, to make it slimmer, but realizes it’s cute as it is and he loves it too much to change it.  He gets most of the way through the body and tail before his eyes are drawn to the light under the door again. The clock’s at 3:15 now. It’s been way too long for someone to grab just a quick snack, so he decides to risk it and cracks his door open.

 

Uncharacteristically, Magnus shuffles into the kitchen, in no hurry.

 

It’s absolutely silent in here. And by absolutely, he means there’s literally no sound at all. He sees Taako doing something over the stove, smells various baked goods, feels the warmth of the oven filling the kitchen, but there’s no noise. He tries to whisper Taako’s name to get his attention, but nothing comes out. He feels his vocal cords move, but the sound isn’t there. He tries saying it louder. Nope. He tries cupping his hands over his mouth and yelling it. Nothing. He utters a wizard curse, just to check if it’s just Taako’s name. Nada.

 

Taako’s got his back to him, so he hasn’t even noticed Magnus yet. Magnus shoves the wooden horse to the side of his vision, so that it’s looking up at the elf quizzically.

 

“Holy _shit_ —” Taako shouts abruptly, his concentration (and subsequently the spell) broken. Magnus is choking on his laughter, wiping his eye with his free hand. Taako’s nose scrunches, unamused. “Come at me again like that, my dude. You’ll be lucky if you end up in another dimension.” He huffs and turns back to his recipe book.

 

“What’re you doing, Taaaaako?” Magnus says, in a gruff impersonation of what a horse might sound like if it could talk as he dances the wood carving around a little and pretends it’s alive.

 

Taako pushes the dumb wooden horse out of his space. He’s wearing a sheer white robe over his sleep shirt and pants, which he pulls closed just for show. For some reason incomprehensible to Magnus, his hair’s all done up and he’s got his makeup on, like he’s expecting someone whose opinion he actually cares about to see him, and not just Magnus and Merle. “Baking. What’s it look like?”

 

“At 3 in the morning?” Magnus counters, sitting down in one of the bar stools on the other side of the breakfast island. He’s brought the tiny knife he was using to make the horse, so he can keep his hands busy.

 

“If any wood shavings end up on those cupcakes, you will rue the day you learned to carve, Magnus.” Taako points at him threateningly, and Magnus puts up his hands in surrender. He moves his whittling off to the side so there’s no chance any of the wood will end up in any of the baked goods. Taako continues. “And yes. _Usually_ no one’s around to bug me this early, so I can get more done.”

 

“Couldn’t sleep, huh.” Magnus says, still staring down at his horse and carving away at it. He doesn’t need to see the frown that crosses over Taako’s face to know it’s there. “Yeah. Me neither.” He carves a few stronger strokes into the horse to accentuate the point.

 

They spend a few seconds in awkward silence, Taako stirring a bowl of batter for the next batch. Magnus eventually breaks the quiet. “So, you stress bake?”

 

“As a perfect being, I have never experienced ‘stress’.” Taako quips, pouring some of the batter into the cupcake tin nonchalantly. Magnus laughs, once, loudly, and Taako shoots him a glare. “Hush, you. If we’re prying into other people’s business this morning, what’s the horse for?”

 

“Huh?” Magnus looks up, legitimately confused.

 

“Don’t ‘huh’ me. You carve ducks like it’s your fucking job, they’re all over the place.” He points at Magnus with the batter-coated wooden spoon, before a drop of batter falls to the floor and he curses at it. Literally. Its soul is banished to the netherworld.

 

“Oh. Uh.” Magnus stares down at the horse and turns it in his hands a few more times. “Dunno. Just felt like carving a horse. Now that I’m thinking about it, shoulda made it Garyl, huh?” It was too late now, there definitely wasn’t enough material left on the head to make one horn, let alone two. Magnus’s lips pinch into a thin line. Would have been a good gift for Taako if he’d thought of it. Ah well, his mantle still has some room. Very little, but enough for this little guy.

 

Taako waves his hand dismissively. “His ego’s big enough, don’t encourage him.” Magnus raises an eyebrow at him. Noticing he didn’t respond, Taako turns around to him and sees the expression. “What?”

 

“Like father, like son.” Magnus laughs.

 

“Oh _ha ha_.” Taako sticks his tongue out at Magnus, who sticks his tongue out right back. Taako bends over to open the oven, and pulls out the batch of cookies he’d been working on, transferring them with a Mage Hand onto the cooling rack before using it to drop the baking tray into the sink. It’s a little louder than he’d wanted it to be, and they both flinch before listening for any sort of stirring coming from Merle’s room. After a few seconds of silence, they both sigh in relief. “So. Wanna dish about why _you’re_ awake at 3 AM?”

 

“Giant worm-based nightmares.” Magnus quickly replies. Taako laughs, though they both know that’s not enough to keep the brick wall of a man awake for long. Magnus can smash through most physical problems with ease. It’s emotional stuff that makes the cracks start to show. “But—” Magnus starts, before staring at the horse for a couple of seconds and realizing there’s nothing Taako can do to help without potentially putting him in danger. “…No. I don’t really want to talk about it. Just have a lot on my mind.” He finishes, lamely.

 

Taako sighs. “Oh thank the gods. I legit did not want to have to add your laundry list of problems to my own, I’ve got enough shit going on.” Magnus laughs again. “It’ll work out. Whatever it is. Probably. I don’t know, emotional support isn’t my forte, unless eating somehow solves your problem.” Taako motions vaguely to the ever-growing pile of baked goods.

 

“It doesn’t, but it might help.” Magnus reaches for a cupcake.

 

Only to be slapped away by a Mage Hand and a panicked yelp of “ _DON’T!_ ” from Taako. Magnus looks up, confused, only to be met with fear in the wizard’s eyes. Taako puts a hand on his chest and pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Magnus starts to say something after a few seconds to break the tension, but Taako releases his nose and puts a hand out to motion for Magnus to give him a second. “No, you’re—you’re fine. Sorry. Force of habit.” He abruptly turns around, putting the cupcake tin in the oven roughly. Magnus is sure he hears a murmured “stupid,” from the elf. Taako sighs. Magnus puts an entire cupcake in his mouth, still looking at Taako’s back.

 

“ _Wow_ , Taako, these are reaffy goof.” Magnus says as his eyes light up, the entirety of the cupcake still in his mouth.

 

Taako glances at him with his head partially turned, confused at first, than amused. “Don’t choke, idiot.” He says fondly. “And what did you expect? Nothing but the best from _moi_.” He flips his braid back over his shoulder, head high. He walks over to the sink to start washing dishes with the help of a couple of magical hands, and Magnus smiles.

 

They spend a few minutes in silence again, this time much more comfortable. The only sound is the water, the sponge on the dishes, and the knife against the wood.

 

Eventually, Taako speaks. “You know the—the Chalice? All the stuff it showed us to try to tempt us?” Magnus nods, but realizes Taako can’t see him with his back turned, so he grunts affirmatively. “It royally fucked up by me. Tried to convince me to change the--” He sighs, not sure what to refer to the worst day of his life as. He turns around and leans back against the sink, a dish towel in his hand. “To undo what happened at my last show.”

 

At this, Magnus begins to pay more attention. He stops whittling and glances up at Taako while leaning over. “Yeah?” Magnus had never heard of Sizzle It Up With Taako before they met, but between how Taako’d been… Magically chaotic, to put it mildly, when they first met, and the stories they’d heard since then, he’d put together what had happened, give or take. Taako blamed himself for a bunch of people dying during his show.

 

Taako shook his head. “Wasn’t my fault. It was a setup, my man.” Taako pointed two finger guns at Magnus confidently. Magnus’s jaw dropped.

 

“Taako, that’s _great_!” Magnus says, a little too loud, a little too pumped up for this early in the morning. He slams his hands on the counter excitedly.

 

Taako makes a volume lowering gesture with his free hand, and covers his mouth aggressively with one finger as he talks through the sides of his mouth. “Shh, shh, do you _want_ to get an eyeful of naked dwarf, or what? Because I can only blind one of us at a time, and Taako is sure as shit gonna prioritize getting _his_ oxygen mask on before helping anybody else.”

 

Just as he finishes saying that, a sleepy Merle makes his way around the corner. Taako and Magnus both scream in terror and cover their eyes desperately. “Waz goin’ on? We under attack?” Merle yawns, stretching his arms over his head as though even if they were in battle it wouldn’t much matter to him.

 

“I am BLIND, _oh my GOD—”_

 

“For fuck’s sake, put some _clothes on,_ old man!”

 

“It’s _my house too!_ ”

 

From down the hall, there’s a deep voice. “Taako? I got your message and came over— your door was unlocked, so I just— Why are you all screaming?”

 

“Oh God, Kravitz, _NO—_ ” Taako all but shrieks. But it’s too late. Kravitz has rounded the corner. He is no longer pure, if he could have been considered such before.

 

There is an absurdly long silence. Suddenly, Kravitz turns around, silently opens a portal to the astral plane, and leaves without a word.

 

Again, a stretched silence. Until Merle chimes in, blinking sleep out of his eyes. “Was that the death guy? What was he doing here?”

 

Magnus has to bodily hold Taako back to keep him from murdering Merle with a baking sheet.

**Author's Note:**

> hey! thanks for reading. this is my first publicly posted fic in a while, so i'm a bit out of practice.
> 
> 1) taako was casting Silence to keep the kitchen quiet, which is a bard/cleric spell and only lasts 10 minutes, but elevators are canon in taz and dnd is made up so idgaf that taako's not a bard or a cleric and that he was baking for more than 10 minutes  
> 2) i wish i had not considered merle sleeping in the buff when he's at home. but having thought about it, i know it is true. you all have to suffer with me on this one.  
> 3) taako just wanted to share baked goods with the guy he wants to date and he suffers so, so much surrounded by these idiots  
> 4) let magnus be happy 2k17


End file.
